I have begun to notice a common paradox in my own life, that the harder I try for something or want something, the harder it is to achieve. As I was looking around, I came across a blog of someone I used to read quite a lot, Mark Manson.
He made a list of 20 paradoxes that were true, and while many were valuable and insightful, this one is what I’d like to write about today.
#11 The harder you push for something, the harder it will feel to achieve.
The funny thing about it is that I’ve learned this countless times over my life. It’s like I believed it was true for dating and relationships, but not health, exercise, or organizing my home.
Something funny happens when we think we have to work hard for something. We unconsciously make it hard.
For a long time, I’ve made acknowledging my self worth the most difficult thing on this planet. I thought it was impossible, in fact, yet still I tried.
I meditated, practiced yoga, put up positive and empowering affirmations on post-its on my bathroom mirror. Some of these little things helped. I occasionally found beauty and love in my experiences, only to often find my way back to the depth of self loathing, criticism, and not enoughness.
There was always another “shadow” to uncover, another mistake to critique, and another problem that needed to be fixed.
As I write this, it’s obvious why I was so gosh darn tired. I was exhausted from trying to constantly fix myself.
And then a cool thing happened. I started simply noticing all the thinking I had about my self-critiques, judgements, and “problems”. Once I noticed the consistent and variety of ways that the thoughts in my head were being so gosh darn mean, I started to do it less and less. I didn’t tackle each thought, but over time as I saw the thinking wasn’t working for me anymore. I stopped thinking that way. And the subsequent thoughts that followed were of love and self-compassion.
I had been working so hard for something that comes naturally.
What about you? Are you inadvertently making something harder without realizing it?
Losing weight?
Eating healthy?
Getting out of pain? A friend and physiotherapy colleague in Ireland struggled with severe sciatic pain for months. She did exercises, got treatment from other physios, and did everything she was supposed to do. The pain only got worse. Then she read a poem that changed everything for her and she went to bed that night letting go of the outcome of her pain. She woke up the next morning without pain. Which hasn’t returned. In retrospect, she realized she was trying way too hard.
Does that mean you never do anything? Absolutely not! I still exercise and eat mostly whole foods. I also smile and laugh more than I ever have.
Being healthy doesn’t have to be hard. In fact, you’ll probably have better luck if you open up to an easier way. That can start with questioning all the rules you’ve been told about the goal you want to achieve.
The funny thing about paradoxes is we are convinced that the world works one way…and yet the opposite appears to be more true.
Do you have a health or wellness goal you want help achieving? Maybe we can help!