I was bulimic. In college, my junior year. It had been building for years, but it wasn’t until I was 20 years old that I found myself doing something previously unthinkable, while sitting on the bathroom floor. While the act of making myself throw up was terrible, at the time it seemed like a better alternative to sitting in the extreme heaviness of all the food I had just consumed that felt like 1000 rocks in my stomach. Fortunately, it scared the shit out of me so much that I asked for help after only a couple of weeks of throwing up. My soccer coach was wonderful and quickly got me help and support. The counselor was equally kind and supportive and suggested I join a group of other women on campus going through similar issues. I had no desire to talk about this in a public arena, but I lamented and joined for one session. After one session, I joined another, and another. It only took a few sessions for me to see a common theme. I was sitting in a circle of beautiful, amazing women. Only none of them knew it. Then I had an entirely new thought, “Well, if these are all amazing women who don’t realize they are amazing, maybe I am amazing too.” And as I write this…I can very confidently say now, that so are you. Although I saw this insight over 20 years ago, I still struggled with eating, health, and my body for another 10-15 years. However, today I have an lovely relationship with my body and my eating. Am I perfect? NO. Do I follow optimal routines every day? NO. Do I only put organic, unprocessed, locally grown foods into my temple? NO. Do I get 8 hours of sleep every night? NO. Do I have a perfect, pain free, blemish free, cellulite free body? NO Yet, I still love myself and treat myself well. Because loving myself has nothing to do with how I look, how I perform, or how I show up each day. It’s actually just a natural part of being human, and it’s obvious when I stop paying attention to all the stories I have of how I should be different. |
You are amazing and so many things shift when you see this. Want to fall in love with your body and your life? Join me and others for the Heart Experiment. | 