To be entirely frank, I think the word “should” doesn’t really belong in my life or my health/ wellness endeavors. The moment I think about how I should do something, my body tightens up, I feel a lot of resistance to the thing, and I kind of end up hating whatever that thing is.
Since I’ve noticed this, when I notice the word “should” in my thinking, it tends to have an imaginary red flag that pops up along with it. This red flag tends to remind me to pause and reconsider the reality of the situation.
For example: “I really should do the dishes right now.” The next thought is usually, “ugh…that’s going to take so long, I’m so tired, I really don’t want to do them, why doesn’t my husband do his fair share of the dishes, why isn’t there a robot to do my dishes?”
Instead, when I notice I don’t want to do the dishes, I realize it simply means that I don’t want to do them RIGHT NOW. So often, I don’t. I go do something else, or sit down for a few minutes. Without fail, at some point, I want to do the dishes. So I walk over to the sink, pick up the first dish and wash one dish at a time. Within a certain amount of time, the dishes are completed.
It also wasn’t awful, stressful, or a pain in the @ss. It was actually rather pleasant.
Let me give you another example.
I had a little bit of free time the other day in the middle of my work day. I felt an initial pressure about getting a bike ride in, so I hesitated. I had temporarily decided not to ride. Then I checked the weather. Rain was forecasted for the next several days, and I realized I had a limited chance to get on the trails with my bike.
Suddenly, I actually wanted to ride. Within minutes my desire changed and I had a blast taking a short ride around Cherokee park.
As Byron Katie says, “Don’t should all over yourself.”
I couldn’t agree more.
If using pressure, guilt, or shame isn’t getting you to your health goals. Let’s talk. There is a different way.